Escape From Planet Earth

Dark Planet Cola!
Gary Dark Planet Cola! Destroy your taste buds!
Scorch This is 800 percent sugar.
Gary That's what makes it good for kids.

It is in 3-D.
girl I thought this movie was supposed to be in 3-D.
guy Shh. It is in 3-D.
girl OK, that's better.

You had a date with a girl.
fat guy This is Hawk calling.
fat guy I work at 7-Eleven near Area 51,
fat guy and after years of waiting,
fat guy it finally happened!
host You had a date with a girl.
fat guy What? No. A close-encounter, man!

So you're the ugly brother.
Gary I'm here looking for my brother.
Gary Have you seen him?
cat What's he look like? Blue like you?
Gary Yes, exactly like me except with huge muscles and a chiseled jaw and perfect teeth.
cat OK, so you're the ugly brother.
Gary Oh, well, I wouldn't put it that way.
cat Oh, it's not a question.

Any last words?
general Any last words?
Scorch Yes. Friends, aliens, countrymen,
Scorch lend me your tentacles.
Scorch Don't think of me as a hero.
Scorch Think of me as a guy who acted heroically while full of heroism.
Gary Have you been practicing this?
Scorch Gary, tell Gabby I love her.
Scorch Tell my fans I love them.
Scorch Just as a general rule,
Scorch if anyone asks, tell them I love them.
Scorch Hey, Gary, I love you too, little brother.
Scorch Goodbye, cruel galaxy.
Scorch Huh. Well, looks like I've got time for a few more.
Scorch Tell the guy that waxes my ship...
Scorch what's his name again?
Scorch It doesn't matter.
Scorch Just tell him that I love him.
Scorch And the people at Dark Planet Cola,
Scorch tell them I love them.
general Stop. We get it.
Gary No. Stop! I'm a BASA engineer.
Gary I can fix the Blubonium.
Scorch Don't help him, Gary!
Scorch We did the right thing!

You had no friends in high school?
Gary I scored a 12.0 on my galactic engineering exams.
Gary Do you know what that means?
cat You had no friends in high school?
Gary It means in a galaxy filled with nerds, I'm their king.

My stargazing days are over.
general I'm gonna wipe out the alien infestation one planet at a time.
Gary If you destroy every planet with intelligent life,
Gary you'll have no stars left in the sky.
general My stargazing days are over.

Don't you have a mute button?
console This whole villain thing, it's not you.
console You know? And the stress is aging you, if I might be...
Lena Shut up. Don't you have a mute button?

The biggest threat to planet Earth?
general Our government thinks asteroids are Earth's biggest threat.
general But some of us know better.
general The biggest threat to planet Earth?
cat Global warming.
general Aliens.

Aren't you going to abduct us?
fat guy Wait! Aren't you going to abduct us?
Gary Uh, we don't really do that.
fat guy They come in peace.